I do not post too many personal things on my blog about myself because I still like to keep some privacy but a friend back home was talking about her own anxiety disorder and it resonated with me in such a way I felt the need to address mine in case it might help someone else. I have panic disorder, I have had it since I was 17 years old. I used to have panic attacks several times a week and couldn't focus on my school work, my college applications, and any other deadlines I had in my life. I barely could make it through the motions of a normal day and I hated myself for not having control over it. I was sent to a counselor who decided the only thing they could do for me was to medicate me, which I hated even more than the loss of control. Once I decided how much I disliked the medicines I decided that I would find some way to control myself, someway to help bring me back down. Because once my panic started, I would become agitated and cry, and scream, and my thoughts would become so bleak as if there was no hope, no light to my life. I slowly realized if I could let myself express my panic to others and then take a breath to calm myself enough. Then I would sit down and replan out whatever it was that was bothering me in a way to overcome the roadblock in my life. It helps, some days are better than others, and I wonder if I will ever be able to fully control that side of me that gets so upset every time something goes wrong or even when I think it may go wrong. Reading my friends blog, I realized that sometimes you just need someone to know whats going on, and say hey I understand, I can relate. That feeling that someone gets you helps.
I hope that my words reach out and help someone who need that feeling in their life. May you find the peace that your mind and heart needs and know that there are others who feel the same.
With Understanding,
Snowangel
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